The NFL draft is finally upon us. After spending the past excruciating months having to listen to Mel Kiper Jr. change the way he evaluates college quarterbacks a handful of times (see Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen), we are finally to the day of reckoning.
To me, the draft is a bit over-hyped. Why spend three hours watching a panel argue about every pick when you can simply read the results on twitter anyway. But thankfully Oklahoma star quarterback Baker Mayfield saved the day and brought all the hype we should ever need.
We are still hours away from draft time and Mayfield has already solidified himself as a first ballot Hall of Famer. If the Cleveland Browns are still in deliberations about who to take number one, and this doesn’t push them to take Mayfield, nothing will.
On this draft day, we are not here to evaluate on the field talent, but rather the talent in Mayfield’s spoof picture. So here is the mock draft of people in Mayfield’s “Draft Day Jorts” photo.
There are two huge and glaring issues with the “I came for the drinks” guy in Mayfield’s rendition. The apple watch and the lack of a Red SOLO cup. In the name of artistic creativity, risks should be taken. A fresh spin on a traditional masterpiece is some times needed. But not in this case.
This is less artistic creativity and more lazy than anything. It screams “I forgot to take off my watch from the 21st century.” It could have been overlooked had the most crucial aspect of the character not been overlooked. The man in the original is clearly here for the party, hence the SOLO cup.
But what is this? A Starbucks cup? It is this lack of attention to detail which finds “I came for the drinks” guy the last pick.
Again we see a lack of attention to detail. Both strips are off color and the camerawomen is missing what looks to be tissues.
The saving grace that keeps the “Here to record the moment” couple from being the last pick in the draft is the camcorder. They could have taken the easy route, could have used their phones instead, could have used a traditional digital camera. But not, they made the conscious effort to dig through the dirty, dusty attic or garage to find this relic of a camcorder.
They may lack some attention to detail, but you want someone on your team willing to get dirty in the trenches (attic) for you.
Love the hat. Embrace the hat. The artistic decision to go with the black stripe over the white, on white rendition in the original is a welcome addition.
But let’s get serious. “Mr. Power Lean” is not even power leaning. The attention to detail is there. Shirts are on point and almost identical. Take a look at the original though.
We have full extension, palm firmly against the wall. A perfect form power lean. Honestly I’m at a loss for how that wall is even still standing with the amount of force being exerted on it. Now back to the Mayfield rendition.
Arm not fully extended. Space between the palm and the wall. There is pure, natural talent here. But time will tell if he is willing to put in the effort to be an everyday starter.
An absolute spitting image. People say you shouldn’t compare current players to past players, but how can’t we. they’re almost identical. The shirt, the haircut; it’s all there.
“Ms. Bowl Cut” is a safe pick, but that’s just it. It’s the safe pick. If you want a contributor, she’s the one. A perfect role player, but not a four-down running back type. She is more suited for your traditional third down passing-back role. Important and possible a major fantasy football contributor in PPR leagues, but nothing more.
SLEEPER PICK ALERT: Yes, the “Hangin’ out in back” crew is worth a top five pick. Football is the greatest team game in the world. It takes all 11 people on the field to make it work. The center of the offensive line is never going to get praise from the pundits and neither is the defensive lineman who makes a lane for a blitzing linebacker.
Both roles are absolutely crucial to a teams success game-to-game and season-to-season. These two set the foundation for the team. The leadership quality it takes to sometimes take the backseat is a valuable intangible.
This crew wakes up before the sun is even out to get grindin’. They expect no praise, but will perform to a praiseworthy level.
“Hangin’ in the back” crew checks off all of the boxes when it comes to intangibles.
Is that a blonde mullet?! It’s hard to tell but the original “End of bed” guy does not look like he has a mullet. The artistic vision it takes to go with a blonde mullet in the Mayfield rendition takes guts and grit.
Teams with top picks normally like to take sure things. But I’d bet a team is willing to take “End of bed” guy’s gutsy vision and form a franchise around it. If a team is rebuilding, the mullet is what you rebuild around. Take the risk. Be bold. Plus the mullet screams, “I have nothing left to lose.” Which every rebuilding team can empathize with.
This is both a safe pick, but also a smart pick. On face value “Ms. Perm” is sticking with tradition. There are very few differences between the original and the Mayfield rendition.
Look closer and we see why she is the number three pick. She is actually checking/editing the photo she has taken in the Mayfield rendition. That is forward thinking and someone who is all about preparation. She is already thinking about what page of the scrapbook or what wall of her Pinterest board this is going on.
The original? She seems afraid of the spot light, too distracted by something on the floor maybe, to think ahead.
This man was born for this role. The glasses, facial hair, hair color, yellow trucker hat. All on point. He’s a cold blooded killer, and that is exactly what you want with the second pick.
There is also some originality in here too. Giving the “Trucker Hat” guy some space to strut his stuff in the Mayfield rendition is a veteran move. Ripped jeans is exactly what I picture the original to be wearing and the V-neck is just the cherry on top.
He doesn’t have the Eye of the Tiger. He is the tiger. And he goes #2 in the draft.
It’s an easy choice. No-Brainer. Baker Mayfield deserves an Emmy, Golden Gold and Grammy for gracing the world with this. He’s also the only one with football experience.
With any luck, he will fall to #14 in the draft so he can mimic Brett Favre on the field for the Packers as well.