Sconnie Sports Talk

Montee Ball to sign with the Hub for 2016-17 season


The following is meant for comedic relief only and is by no means true.

Former Wisconsin running back Montee Ball, who was cut from the Denver Broncos’ roster during the preseason, held a press conference outside The Kollege Klub this morning to announce he has signed with the Hub starting in August 2016.

“The choice to go to the Hub was one that took much deliberating. As a free agent, I have many options. I could have stayed in Denver and waited until my lease expired there. I also could have gone back to Missouri to spend some time with my family, but ultimately returning to Madison was the right decision. We all know the Madison real estate landscape after late October and it isn’t pretty. So when I was at the KK the other night I met some juniors that needed another roommate I thought it was the perfect opportunity to return to Madison to hone my skills.”

Ball spoke of his nutritionally-based personal trainer and new workout regiment to ensure his body stays fit.

“At Chipotle, to increase my ball handling skills and practice ball control, I have asked the employees to throw me my burrito as I run out the door. To improve running past the defensive line, I will swerve through the hoards of freshmen lined up to check out at Gordon’s in the afternoons.  At night, I will watch film, alternating locations between the KK, Chasers and State Street Brats. After that, I will be heading to my former favorite bar Johnnie O’s, now called The Double U, where I will practice touchdown dances and hope that someone will take a video and post it to YouTube where I might have a shot at the next season of Dancing With The Stars.”

The all-time leading touchdown leader in NCAA Division I history concluded his statement on an emotional note.

“I am very excited to be back in Madison and to be living in Madison’s newest, hottest apartment complex which has everything ranging from studios to five-bedroom apartments. Wisconsin is where I got my start, and it is thanks to the university that I hold the Division I FBS career rushing touchdown and overall touchdown record. There really is nothing like a college campus, and Madison in particular that can get one so motivated and I firmly believe that is the right time for my return to this marvelous city. Lastly, I will be starting this training tomorrow, so if there are any further questions, please follow me inside the KK so we can start this night off right.”

Images: Ball; Hub Madison